Have you ever....

Good evening ladies, hope you are all well.

I have to apologize. It seems whenever I manage to get on here to post, I'm always mad, upset, frustrated, or a combination of all of the above.

Today, I can't begin to disect the emotion.

Have you ever had one [or multiple] times in your life when you just feel like you don't know who you can trust and you don't know who is being honest with you?

I know that I've had MANY times like this, and currently am. I just get to a point where even though my 'friends' are still there, I begin to question things like, are they really my friend? Or even, do they talk about me when I'm not there, but pretend to like me when I am?

It's a really bad feeling.

It's not like most of them have ever given me a reason to believe that, in fact most of them have always been there for me. But for some reason, I get really insecure, and I know it's my own fault. Like a friend who has never made me angry, never been mean, never even argued with me, I now worry that I did something or something happened to make her walk away. And most of the time, they do things that most people would just see as normal, but to me, they seem like things that people do to avoid other people.

I know I sound like a dramatic teenager, so I truly do apologize.

I realize that compared to some problems, mine are miniscule, so I apologize.

I understand that I can be very insecure and overdramatic, so I apologize.

All in all, I just need to get all of this off of my mind and hopefully get some sleep tonight. I am truly exhausted, but have not slept well this week for various reasons [not all due to this]. By writing this down in a blog, I'm hoping my mind will be able to rest for at least 8 hours. I'd accept anything more than 5 at this point.

I hope everything is going well for you. I hope this blog finds you happy.

P

P.S. Please pray for baby Stellan! If you don't read MckMama's blog, check it out here: www.mycharmingfamily.net

P.P.S. This blog is going to go private within the next week or two. If you'd like to be invited to read it, please please please please send me your email and I will add you. I have no problem with many of you reading it, but there have been people finding this via Google, and I'd really prefer that not happen. I'm not sure if there is a way to make the followers automatically invited, but I'll figure it out.