Have you ever....

Good evening ladies, hope you are all well.

I have to apologize. It seems whenever I manage to get on here to post, I'm always mad, upset, frustrated, or a combination of all of the above.

Today, I can't begin to disect the emotion.

Have you ever had one [or multiple] times in your life when you just feel like you don't know who you can trust and you don't know who is being honest with you?

I know that I've had MANY times like this, and currently am. I just get to a point where even though my 'friends' are still there, I begin to question things like, are they really my friend? Or even, do they talk about me when I'm not there, but pretend to like me when I am?

It's a really bad feeling.

It's not like most of them have ever given me a reason to believe that, in fact most of them have always been there for me. But for some reason, I get really insecure, and I know it's my own fault. Like a friend who has never made me angry, never been mean, never even argued with me, I now worry that I did something or something happened to make her walk away. And most of the time, they do things that most people would just see as normal, but to me, they seem like things that people do to avoid other people.

I know I sound like a dramatic teenager, so I truly do apologize.

I realize that compared to some problems, mine are miniscule, so I apologize.

I understand that I can be very insecure and overdramatic, so I apologize.

All in all, I just need to get all of this off of my mind and hopefully get some sleep tonight. I am truly exhausted, but have not slept well this week for various reasons [not all due to this]. By writing this down in a blog, I'm hoping my mind will be able to rest for at least 8 hours. I'd accept anything more than 5 at this point.

I hope everything is going well for you. I hope this blog finds you happy.

P

P.S. Please pray for baby Stellan! If you don't read MckMama's blog, check it out here: www.mycharmingfamily.net

P.P.S. This blog is going to go private within the next week or two. If you'd like to be invited to read it, please please please please send me your email and I will add you. I have no problem with many of you reading it, but there have been people finding this via Google, and I'd really prefer that not happen. I'm not sure if there is a way to make the followers automatically invited, but I'll figure it out.

For a friend.

One thing you will come to know about me is that I will do anything and everything I can for one of my close friends. Sometimes, I wish I could just take all the pain, worry, sorrow, or just the upsetting things away from them, but unfortunately, it is not humanly possible. That really hurts me. When I see my friends going through something or just being upset, all I want is for them to no longer feel that.

Right now, my friend K seems to be going through something. Now I have no idea what it is, but I doesn't matter because no matter how big it is all I want to do is take it all away from her. We are seriously more like sisters [we call each other sis and all that] and we were supposed to hang out tomorrow night. Well, we can hang out tomorrow night at school, but I most likely can't sleep over like we were planning. Now, I know that we will eventually, but it just seems like she is going through something and could use it, but her parents said no. I just, I feel really terrible, even though there isn't really anything I can do about it. And as much as I know that, it still doesn't make me feel any better about it. The next 2 weekends after this weekend are booked up for both of us, her with her things and me with SATs and getting my wisdom teeth out, so I know we won't be able to hang out til pretty much April after this weekend, except for tomorrow night and maybe one or two days after school.

What can I do? What can I humanly, possibly do to help her in this situation? I could be way off and nothing may be bothering her, but IDK. She REALLY wanted to hang out tomorrow night [as did I] and she's really mad that we can't. I can't go against her parents, but I feel terrible not knowing what to do. I just....she's my best friend. I have a couple, but we've gotten really close over these past couple months and yes, she's my little sister. Right now I am just at a loss and hoping that her parents change their minds and let us hang out tomorrow night.

Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

Hope all you lovely ladies are doing well :]

-P

P.S. The Junior Prom thing isn't getting anywhere :( I haven't been able to find a date. We'll see what happens, but the tickets go on sale Monday....so I don't have a lot of hope right now. But I guess if it's meant to be it will happen. It seems I have to have a lot of hope in a lot of things right now....